PLUTO OR BUST

This entry isn't going to be about the stupidity committed by "earthlings" on a second-by-second basis day after day after day. Instead, we're going to travel to the far reaches of the solar system and talk about what Plutonians are up to these days. OK, how about some mind boggling Pluto facts then?

Pluto-mania is catching on as the New Horizons space probe closes in on the former planet, now dwarf planet. Yeah, some idiot earthlings came up with that because somehow a world with at least 5 moons orbiting it isn't a "planet". Anyhoo, it's the first time an earth vehicle has ever visited Pluto so we're all going to get to see what it's all about for the first time ever.

Pluto was discovered on February 18, 1930 by Clyde Tombaugh. Not only was Tombaugh the first to discover Pluto, he will also be the first to ever visit Pluto. Well, at least his ashes will as they are aboard New Horizons.

Being over 3 BILLION miles away from the sun, Pluto is a cold, cold planet. The average low temperature on the surface of Pluto is -387°F. Game of Thrones winters have got nothing on Pluto's winters. Daytime highs, however, reach a balmy -369°F. Being over 3 billion miles away from the sun, it takes the light from the sun 4.3 hours to reach Pluto and daylight on Pluto is about as bright as a moonlit night on earth. You can see stars in the daytime, provided you're far enough away from big Plutonian city lights.

It's hard to grasp these kinds of distances, especially when we grew up with solar system models in school that had all the planets lined up in a row. Those models were nowhere close in scale to giving us an inkling of the distances between planets. To be fair though, there's really no way schools could have made a model to suffice. To do so they would have had to tell us that if the earth was the size of a basketball, Pluto would be the size of a golf ball. They would then have to place that basketball representing earth, in downtown Houston, TX. Then they'd have to take the golf ball representing Pluto and place it on Seawall Blvd. in Galveston, TX for a true scale of the distance between the two.

New Horizons, about the size of a grand piano, was launched in 2006 on the fastest rocket ever made. New Horizons used Jupiter's orbit to help it pick up speed and at over 31,000 mph, it has taken New Horizon's 9 years to reach Pluto.

The pictures New Horizons takes will be sent back to earth via radio waves which will take 4 1/2 hours. Then it will only be able to be downloaded at 1kb per second. That's 56 times slower than those dialup internet connections we used to have.

If you were going to drive to Pluto and you could do it without ever stopping for gas or restrooms and your average speed was 70 mph, it would take you 4,892 YEARS to get to Pluto.

A day on earth is 24 hours, meaning that's how long it takes the earth to make one full rotation. A day on Pluto takes over 6 earth days. Great for weekends and holidays but Mondays on Pluto have got to be the worst. Pluto also spins in the opposite direction of earth, meaning the sun rises in the west and sets in the east.

365 days is one year here on earth, a complete cycle around the sun. It takes Pluto 248 YEARS to circle the sun. 90,410 earth days make a year on Pluto. And amazingly February still has just 28 days on both planets.

One year ago on Pluto, the United States wasn't even a country yet. We were about 8 years from declaring independence from Great Britain, we were 134 years from the Wright Brothers 1st flight, and over 200 years from landing on our own moon. All within one year on Pluto. In Pluto time, Christ walked the earth just 8 years ago.

A 200 lb. person on earth would weigh a little over 13 lbs. on Pluto. New Horizons can go ahead and send that Plutonian diet back to earth pronto! Basketball players would be able to dunk on a 150 foot high goal. Probably have to lower it to about 147 feet for me.

So, that's probably more than you ever needed to know about something that's over 3 billion miles away from you, but now you know. And there's a lot more we'll learn in the coming days as New Horizons starts sending data back home.

Na-Nu, Na-Nu!

THE PRICE IS "NOT" RIGHT

Whole Foods Market is a supermarket chain that specializes in organic/natural foods. They opened for business in Austin, TX in 1980, and now have 420 locations throughout the U.S. Canada and the U.K.

Because they deal with organic, natural products almost exclusively, their prices are a little higher than your typical grocery store. They make sure the eggs they sell don't come from hens confined to battery cages. Their nutritional screening doesn't allow for foods containing trans fats or artificial coloring. Non-food organic products such as shampoo, soap, etc. are required to contain 95% or more certified organic ingredients. So you can see why the prices at a Whole Foods Market are going to be a little higher.

Questions dot their history about the claims they make of their food and products being of a natural/organic quality. Articles in the Wall Street Journal have claimed that Whole Foods has become more concerned with competing with other big box grocery chains and less about the quality of their products. It wasn't until 2011 that Whole Foods was required to meet the 95% standard of certified organic ingredients in their products they labeled as organic. And they are not without controversy involving business practices, product selection and failure to support farmers and suppliers.

The most recent uproar regarding Whole Foods is a price scam accusation by the New York City Department of Consumer Affairs. They claim that 8 Whole Foods stores in the NYC area consistently listed improper weights on their pre-packaged foods resulting in overcharged pricing by as little as 80 cents to as much as $15 an item.

After first denying any wrong doing, Whole Foods has just come out and admitted mistakes being made with the way the operation works. They claim, of course, that it was unintentional, that the mistakes sometimes overcharged the consumer and sometimes undercharged them, and attributing it all to human error. The same human error in 8 different stores. And, of course, no one ever stumbles upon this error until someone gets caught.

Now, I can understand human error, it happens. This is what I don't get. When I go to the butcher counter at any grocery store and ask for a pound of shrimp, the butcher fills up a bag with shrimp and sets it on the scale. Most of the time it's not exactly 1 pound, so the butcher will either add a couple of shrimp, take a couple out, or ask me if that's close enough to the pound I wanted. Whether it's a little over or a little under is then my choice. When I give him the OK, the scale prints out a label with the proper weight, that I saw with my own 2 eyes, and the price per pound and total price.

Question - does Whole Foods not have these types of scales?

Umm, this one feels about 1.2 lbs.

Now to be honest, who of us grabs a pre-package of porterhouse steaks and then puts them on the scale to see if the weight matches what's on the label? And I honestly don't know how Whole Foods operates, but I'm assuming they aren't just holding the product in their hands and guessing a weight. If so, I can see where the human error comes into play. But having a scale and missing on the weight, so much so that a product can be $15 over priced, that's not human error, that's highway robbery.

So there's that information for you to do with what you will. And believe me, people are doing just that. Social media gives us all the opportunity to hear what people have to say about anything almost instantly. Or at least as instantly as we click on that medium. And I just don't get "those people" who blindly support Whole Foods because they feel the products are better for them and can't get them anywhere else, or they aren't as easily accessible.

For the sake of this argument, let's just assume that the organic products they sell are what they claim they are, better quality, better for you. With that, I have no qualms about the prices being higher than the Kroger down the street. The higher prices for better quality is fine, but charging $12 a lb. for organic beef is one thing. Charging $12 a lb. and getting well less than a lb. is another. That's disception, dishonesty and flat out stealing.

Human error? The only human error I see is people rationalizing that they're OK with someone stealing from them as long as they still get some sort of benefit from it. Crazy freaking world.

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

I haven't been around the blogosphere in a while but I just can't stay locked up in the basement any longer.

Let me preface this by saying that I am happy for ANYONE who has found them a partner that they can be with, love, trust, spend a life with, regardless of your sexual orientation, your religious beliefs or your race. Sincerest congratulations to you because that can be a difficult thing to accomplish....for anybody!

If someone pointed a gun to my head, I would say that I am a non-judgmental person. Stop laughing! Now, that doesn't mean I don't have my judging moments, whether joking around which I've been known to do or telling you that people who text while driving are idiots, for example. I mean, I do have issues with stupidity which is why this blog exists, but when it comes to the things that people do, like how they live their lives, who they like or don't, I really don't give a flying pink rat's ass how they live it, as long as they aren't hurting others. If it works for you, more power to you.

My question is....why is it that whatever lifestyle or religion or what have you, that someone, or a group of someones, chooses in life, they feel the need to conform everyone to their ways or need their acceptance? For example, vegans. If you are a vegan and that's the way you feel is best for YOUR life, why are you protesting at the meat market where I'm trying to buy steak? What is the deal with all the anti-meat propaganda, animal cruelty BS, rallies and protests trying to get EVERYONE to get off the meat wagon and go vegan?

That's my problem with these groups. It's not a problem, to me, that they live their lives like they want to, the problem is them not letting me live mine the way I want to. I'm not at the farmer's market leading a protest against people buying vegetables. If you enjoy eating only vegetables, why is it a concern of yours that people eat meat?

If you are homosexual, that's your business, is how I look at it. I don't care if you like country music, I don't care what you eat, I don't care what car you drive, and I damn sure don't care who you sleep with. And why would I? It's none of my damn business, whether it's Jack and Jill or Adam and Steve. Yet we get bombarded almost daily with gay rights, parades and all that jazz. Why? Why is it these groups feel the need to advertise their sexuality to the world, to try to gain someone elses acceptance? And on top of that, label everyone who disagrees with that lifestyle a homophobe? That isn't any different than those who oppose Obama being labeled racists.

This leads me to the recent Supreme Court decision declaring same-sex marriage legal nationwide. That is fantastic news if you are homosexual. It really is. The problem now is, where do you get married? The Justice of the Peace might be an option, getting an internet ordained minister to perform the ceremony at the beach, lake house or something, and all of that is fine. But what about those that are going to want to get married in a church? You know it's coming.

Now I'm just going to take a stab in the dark and assume no one is going to a mosque for a same-sex marriage, but you just know that people are going to want to get married in a church. And here is what's going to happen. First of all, homosexuality is something the Christian God frowns upon. Couldn't tell you how the Muslim, Hindu or Buddist gods feel about it, but I know the Christian God isn't down with it. So when that Christian minister refuses the same-sex couple, fire and brimstone are sure to follow as it hits the fan and Brainwash Inc (the media) starts doing what they do best - getting everyone into a hate-filled frenzy.

Then here comes the protests and riots and the "I thought Christianity was about love and acceptance and turning the other cheek, blah, blah, blah". Next thing you know, the church probably has to shut down, if it doesn't get burned down first, and the preacher has to move to another state.

Again, if you are homosexual and you want to marry the same-sex, which is now legal, then why do you feel the need to force that on those that don't have your beliefs? You know Christianity doesn't support that, and as I mentioned before, you damn sure aren't going to a mosque, so why even try it? I just don't get why you feel everyone should support what you do. You know the Christian church doesn't support homosexuality, yet if it's the last thing you do, your are going to take that church down if they don't marry you.

I support anyone's decision to live their lives they way they want. That doesn't mean I have to support what that decision is. Again, I'm not going to a vegan restaurant and demanding they serve me ribs. I know they won't so I'm not going there.

And while everyone is celebrating the Supreme Court's decision about same-sex marriage, what is QUIETLY being brushed under the rug is the total disregard for state's rights. Again, I don't care one way or the other about who any one marries, but I DO care about the Constitution of the United States. And here we have a classic example of state's rights being tossed aside.

I know that because of years of media brainwash and their need to keep racism alive, that this will come as a shock to some, but about 150 years ago there was this nasty little war that broke out over - state's rights. Now, I'm in no way, shape, or form saying that the Confederacy is about to make a comeback because of this. I AM saying, however, that there goes one more piece of our freedoms and liberties, that no one is batting an eye about, because they did this in a way to give a group of people what they wanted, get everybody celebrating, blow up the reactions to those opposed and of course, if you do oppose it, then you have phobia issues. Chipping away at our freedoms and liberties one little battle at a time, and by the time everyone is through celebrating those little individual battles, the war on freedom will be over, and we the people, will have lost.

Might be a good time to learn Chinese.

A MOUTHFUL

From the time we were infants we were always being told not to put things in our mouths. It seems some of us never quite learned that lesson.

Squid ejaculates into woman's mouth.

Apparently while the woman was dining on this partially cooked Korean delicacy, Mr. Cephalopod, despite his predicament, was still able to manage to blow one last...umm....wad, into this woman's mouth.

OK, first of all, never mind that thing never getting near my mouth, I don't want it in the same area code I'm eating in.

Secondly, I don't know about Korean delicacies, but that looks more like what you'd find on a Klingon Bird of Prey. "waH parHa uSgheb" translated from Klingon, "tastes like chicken". Wash it down with a little Romulan Ale and you're good to go.

With all the interbreeding that science messes with, donkey + horse = mule, honey bees + African bees = killer bees, horse + man = centaur, I mean, we already have fish + woman = mermaid, now we've got horny squid going after a woman. Maybe aliens don't really exist except for the ones we're creating right here on earth.

I'm talking about the squid baby, not Will Smith.

ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

We need you Tallahassee!!!!
That, of course, is a snapshot of Woody Harrelson playing the role of Tallahassee, zombie killer, in the movie Zombieland.

2 pm, NE 13th Street, Miami, Florida, police officer shoots a man and kills him. The man shot was naked so he didn't have any place to conceal a weapon.....unless you consider teeth to be a weapon. No, this is not a case of police brutality. According to the Miami Herald report, when the officer arrived on the scene, the naked man was attacking another man. Sounds like a typical assault so far, except for the fact that the naked man was eating the victim's face!!!!

And so begins the Zombie Apocalypse.

Rule #1 - Cardio! Don't be so out of shape that you get caught on the streets of Miami with a face-eating zombie.

The police officer yelled for the man to stop and when he didn't, the officer shot him. The attacker failed to stop forcing the officer to fire several more times, thus following Rule #2 - Double Tap. When it comes to zombies, don't be getting all stingy with your bullets. It could keep you from becoming a human happy meal.

The victim was transported to the hospital with critical injuries. I hope they're keeping him in a very secured area because we all know what happens when you've been bitten by a zombie.

The incident occurred as thousands were gathering to attend the Urban Beach Week festival on South Beach causing a traffic nightmare in the area. All of these people were of course, just trying to take advantage of Rule #32 - Enjoy the Little Things.

I don't know about you but I could sure go for a Twinkie right about now.

"Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? Sno Balls? Where's the f**king Twinkies?"
"Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?"

THE REVIEWS ARE IN

In this day and age, if you want to know about something before you buy it, whether it be some product or restaurant, or auto mechanic, etc, you go online and read reviews of what others who have already bought or used it have to say about it. Especially when you are buying something online, as customer reviews are readily available for the product you are looking at. The bad news is, even with people commenting on these products and/or services, you have to understand the world out there. People are.....people. Some reviews just might be from employees giving it a glowing review to help push the product, some might be from the competition dissing the product and some might be from actual customers who have legitimately and honestly given their take on it. You still have to use a little common sense in the matter.

Then there are products available out there that make you wonder what kind of person is looking that up in the first place. And you can only imagine the reviews these things get. Here's a few products on Amazon.com, the world's largest online retailer and some very interesting reviews to go with them.



Product: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme

Review: Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS!!

(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)

 

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Product: Fresh Whole Rabbit

Review: I ordered one of these Fresh “Whole” Rabbits, but when it arrived its head, fur and insides were missing. Not exactly whole, I’d say! Maybe it was just damaged during shipping, but I won’t be buying another one. I mean – without the long ears, how do I know it even WAS a rabbit? It was the same size and shape as a cat…not that I’ve seen a cat with its head, fur and insides missing. I mean, not like really close or anything.

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Product: Canned Unicorn Meat

Review: Delicious!! Of course this isn't as good as fresh, but who has time to hunt unicorns these days?

I'm a busy professional so I don't have the luxury of just grabbing my bow and quiver and spending days in the high glens hunting fresh 'corn. This product allows me to come home from a hectic day and enjoy a meal packed with that special nutrition only unicorn can provide. I even keep a few cans at the office for those late nights.

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Product: UFO Detector

Review: I, as a resonable and trUstworthy hUman, do not gleep nerp this ungood prodUct. Bad it is for Us hUmans to purchase and opperate this online pUrchasable prodUct.

As the person from Earth that I am, I think that all of my other fellow hUmans on Earth should immediately disUse and florgnify this Utterly Zorglefran, I mean bad item for bUying. Ha Ha. I am laughing with hUmor with the funny word I made up with my typing that I am not doing by direct thought extraction, and instant data transmission to Amazon.com website. Ha Ha. That was highly hUmoroUs and glerp.

UFO detectors are so dUmb because all humans from Earth like the one I am, know that we I mean they do not even exist! Ha Ha

Besides even if the alien friends did exist, who minds occassional anal probe for benefit of aliens that don't exist glerp science! I, as a resonable and trustworthy human person from Earth sure wouldn't mind helping our fUtUre overlords!

Do not bUy this prodUct.