......SNORING.
This hotel chain will have certain floors of their hotels dedicated to solving the problem light sleepers have with people who snore. These floors will be deemed, "quiet zones" with some rooms designed to be "snore absorption" rooms. These rooms will be equipped with sound proofing on the walls and headboard, with anti-snoring pillows and white noise machines.
Anti-snoring pillows? You mean pillows that knee you in the back to get you to turn over so you stop snoring? Cool!!
And if that doesn't do the trick, "snore patrols" will be roaming the halls listening for excessive snorers. Their job will be to listen for loud snoring, and knock on the door to get you to quit snoring.
OK, gotcha!
"Well, the snoring really wasn't bothering me, it was the "snore patrol" guys banging on doors trying to get people to stop snoring that kept me up all night."
Snore Patrol: "BANG, BANG, BANG!!! Wake up sir!! Wake up and open the door!! BANG, BANG, BANG!!"
Guest (half asleep): "What's the matter? Is there a fire?"
Snore Patrol: "No sir, no fire. You were snoring too loud.
Everyone, go back to bed, the situation is now under control. Nothing to see here."
And who signs up for "snore patrol"? Do you get a badge, a taser, a tranquilizer gun?
This week on "Snore Patrol" the team has the snoring narrowed down to the 5th floor and they're closing in. Using a stethoscope they determine room 517 is where the dangerous snorer lies. Locked and loaded and with no time to call in housekeeping for the room key, they use the battering ram to bust in and subdue the man they refer to as "The Snore Bandit".
Yeah, I've stayed in a few hotels/motels in my time, some pretty thin-walled places, and I've never had a problem with someone across the hall keeping me up by snoring. Squeaking bed, headboard banging against the wall, sounds like a woman screaming? Yeah. But never snoring.
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