PROSPECTS, SCHMOSPECTS

For the first time in a very, very long time, certainly the first time in the Drayton McLane era (1993 - ), the Houston Astros have become sellers at the Major League Baseball trade deadline, and big sellers at that. In the last two days, the Astros have traded, not one, but two of the most popular icons in team history, Roy Oswalt and Lance "The Big Puma" Berkman. Why? Because the Astros are not a very good baseball team and in the business of baseball, in order to try to turn things around more quickly, you sometimes have to trade away players, good players, in return for what people in the business call, prospects. These are usually unproven players, Minor League players, who have yet to make their mark. Every player who has ever played the game has been a prospect. Sometimes they turn into great players, Hall of Fame players, sometimes they're just mediocre, and sometimes they stink.

There is no exact science in determining how a prospect will do so it's always a gamble when you trade away proven stars for them. But the reason it's done is a numbers game. If you trade away a proven player, the goal is to get as many unproven players or prospects as you can in hopes of at least one of them turning into a star player. Teams are more willing to give up multiple unproven players for someone that is proven, that they know has had success in the game. This helps the team that isn't doing so well build their organization back up a little quicker and the team trading for the proven star gets someone who will help them immediately, likely to help them in a playoff run. And just like baseball, sometimes you hit a home run doing this, but you're just as likely to strike out.

Since Drayton McLane bought the Astros in 1993, they have been one of the better teams in baseball. What helped them get to that point was a trade they made 3 years prior, at the deadline, with the Boston Red Sox, who were in the middle of a playoff race and were in need of a late innings relief pitcher to give them much needed help in that area. The Astros were a bad team in 1990 and they had such a reliever, Larry Anderson, who was having a very good year for the lowly Astros. Boston was willing to give up a minor league prospect, an unproven, skinny little 3rd baseman that was still two levels away from being in the Majors. That scrawny little guy went by the name of Jeff Bagwell. Bagwell, of course, went on to win the National League Rookie of the Year in '91, was NL Most Valuable Player in '94, a 4-time All-Star and went on to hit 449 home runs (34th most All-Time), in his 15 year career with the Astros, and who in my opinion, should be elected into the Baseball Hall of Fame next year, his 1st year to be eligible.

Now, if Boston had known this kid they had was going to do all of that, they would have never dealt him for a relief pitcher, especially a relief pitcher who pitched just 25 innings for the Sox, including 3 innings in the playoffs where they got swept. Anderson was a free agent after that season and never played for the Red Sox again. But they were in a playoff race and had a need to strengthen their team. Bagwell wasn't ready for the Majors at that time and couldn't help them, Anderson was ready and could help them now. And that's how and why things usually work at Major League Baseball's trade deadline. Teams need players who can help them now and trade away players who may only help them down the road.

As I mentioned, the Astros were a good team for most of the 90's, when McLane bought the team, and on into the 2000's, where they finally made it to their first ever World Series. So they've always been a team looking to trade for a player who could help them now every time the trade deadline rolled around. A great example would be 1998 when the Astros gave up 3 unproven prospects (Carlos Guillen, Freddy Garcia and John Halama) to get one of the greatest pitchers the game has ever seen, Randy Johnson. Johnson came to the Astros and helped them to the most wins in a season they've ever had (102), by going 10-1. Unfortunately, the Astros lost in the playoffs and Johnson signed with Arizona the next year. Carlos Guillen went on to be a 3 time All-Star, Garcia was a 2 time All-Star, and they both could have helped the Astros in the early 2000's. That makes it look like it was a bad trade since Johnson only pitched 13 games for the Astros while these other players had very productive years for the next several years (John Halama sucked), but the Astros needed help in '98 that they couldn't get from them then.

Here in 2010, though they're about 3 or 4 years late, the Astros find themselves in a position they found themselves in when they got Bagwell. Instead of being buyers like they have been the last decade or so (Johnson, Carlos Beltran, etc), the Astros are in a position to sell proven players for prospects. And since they haven't tried to sell for prospects the last 3 or 4 years like they should have, they find themselves with not a whole lot to offer - except for the big stars. Enter Oswalt and Berkman. Unlike past icons, Biggio and Bagwell, where Drayton was determined that they spend their entire careers in Houston at any cost, he's finally come to the realization that in doing it this way, the cost is losing baseball games and having a bad baseball team. So for the first time ever, Drayton McLane is trading away his proven players and rolling the dice on prospects.

The first shot fired was Oswalt being traded to the Philadelphia Phillies for a 2nd year Major League pitcher, J.A. Happ. Though Happ has a full season already under his belt, it's still much too early to tell what his career holds. They get another player that they immediately flip to Toronto to get Brett Wallace, a highly touted unproven prospect. He may be making his Major League debut for the Astros very shortly. They also get a 19 year old shortstop, Jonathan Villar, who is likely several years away from helping the Astros, if he ever does. That's the thing, you just don't know. 3 unproven prospects for one proven star. The Phillies get that proven star to try to help them make the playoffs now. These other guys can't help them now, but they might be able to help the Astros down the road.

The second shot fired was a day later when the Astros trade All-Star first baseman, Lance Berkman, to the New York Yankees. At the time of this writing it was still unclear who the Astros would be getting in return but rumors are it will be 2 minor league players.

So the Astros trade away 2 players and get 5 in return. Yeah, it's 2 big name players for 5 no-names, but that's the way it works since it's such a gamble with unproven players. You now have to hope that at least a couple of those no-names can turn into big names and you're on your way to rebuilding your team and becoming good again. If you strike out, it's going to take a little longer. Hopefully your scout team earns their money. Maybe you strike gold and get another Jeff Bagwell. It sucks that it works that way sometimes, and you always hate losing your favorite players, but that's just the nature of the game. 21 years years after the fact, I'm still bent the Astros let Terry Puhl go.

Maybe I should call my proctologist.

CHANGIN' 1960

This is my 3rd enrty into the category entitled "New and Improved (Not)". This category exists mainly because people ignore the old adage 'if it's not broke, don't fix it'. People are so obsessed with change that it's mainly done now just for the sake of change instead of really trying to improve on something. For example, I had an old, old, really old cell phone that works better than the one I have now. Granted, the one I have now is pretty antiquated, but still. It just seems that in the rush to be the first to have the newest thing out that people get away from the things that worked really well to make people get it in the first place. Yeah, your phone may take a better, clearer picture now, but there's some other feature or features, that you really liked and used a lot, that have to be left off. Easy to see how that is with technology, but what about something like redoing a road?

One of the busiest and better known roads in the greater Houston area is Farm-to-Market road 1960. Better known as FM 1960 or simply 1960. Actually, since 1995 a portion of this road between Interstate 45 and U.S. 290 actually carries the designation of Urban Road 1960. But this is only recognized by the Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT) as all of the signage along this road still carries the FM designation and I've never heard anyone refer to it as UR 1960. Sounds like a text message. UR 1960 CU L8R BFF

The busiest part of this road, though the folks in Atascocita may have something to say about it, is the aforementioned stretch between I-45 and 290. And even more so between I-45 and state highway 249. This is the section that has undergone some changes recently. Since the last major construction on this road, whenever that was, 1960 was made into a 7 lane road (3 lanes in each direction with a center left turn lane). What has been done recently is that the center left turn lane down this entire stretch of road has been replaced with a median. You can still turn left but only at designated areas.

I don't know what the thinking was behind this. Maybe there were too many accidents happening with people being able to cross the street anywhere. I don't know. What I do know is that when traffic is backed up and people need to turn left, they can get into this lane at any point and be out of the way of the flow of traffic on the main lanes. Guess what? Not any more. Now you have to go to where the median gives way to a left turn lane. And these lanes are nowhere near long enough to get all of the left turning traffic out of the main lanes. So now the left, inside lane of traffic is at a standstill with people waiting to get into the left turn lane and the backups and traffic has just been made worse.

When traffic isn't as bad it still has been made worse. Used to, you'd get into the left turn lane at any point to turn left into a business. You now have to find a designated left turn lane, which means you usually have to pass the business you're trying to get to because the median doesn't allow you to cross where you want, then basically make an illegal u-turn to come back to where you wanted to go. Plus these designated left turn lanes are usually at a stop light. So when there's absolutely no traffic coming, you have to sit there and sit there and wait for the light to turn green when you used to be able to zip on across when the coast was clear. Geez! Can they at least make the lights turn green where you yield on green so you can go when there's no one coming? No, you wait and wait and wait until it turns green, then you can go.

This whole idea, whoever came up with it, came straight from someone's head being planted firmly up their derriere. No doubt about it. And this is not the only change in store for this famous road. There are plans to change the name of it. No, they're not still going with the UR crap, in which tremendous public outcry back then is probably the reason they never went with UR. Now they're actually planning on changing the name of FM 1960 to Cypress Creek Parkway. Good luck with that.

SCRATCH THAT ITCH

OK, this one might ruffle a feather or two. For anyone that knows me, and maybe you know me and don't know, I'm not a big fan of drugs, whether they be the over-the-counter or prescription perfectly legal drugs, or the Mexican cartel type illegal stuff. I don't even take Tylenol or a Bayer aspirin. Lots of reasons that I won't get into with this entry but probably will somewhere down the road, but one reason is that there isn't a drug on the planet that doesn't come with a giant list of possible side effects. I can't comprehend taking something to fix one problem that might cause another, or several other problems, for which I'd have to take something for, which may cause yet more problems and so on and so on. It's no wonder big pharmaceutical is a multi-gozillion dollar industry.

Now I don't want to get into a bunch of back and forth about mental disorders and just brush them ALL off as non-sense. I'm no doctor. Shocking, I know. But because of the way big pharmaceutical operates I do have my doubts on a whole bunch of these disorders that seem to have popped up everywhere you look any more. I do believe there are real mental issues and I do not want to discount or discredit those, but I am amazed at the way every little itch it seems, has become some sort of syndrome or disorder. I mean, commercials run non-stop suggesting you pop a pill for just about everything under the sun. Used to be that if you had an itch, you scratched it. You didn't need a drug for it and it didn't mean you had some kind of itch disorder.

There's a disorder for just about everything now. If you're a worrier you may have anxiety disorder. If you bite your fingernails you may have impulse control disorder. If you're moody, bipolar, and on and on and on. And these days there just so happens to be a drug you can take for it. How convenient. Got an itch, don't scratch, take this drug for it. When I was a kid and got that anxious feeling before a Little League game, I didn't have freaking anxiety disorder. It was just what we used to call butterflies. Happens to everyone. It's NORMAL!!! It passes once the game starts, and afterwards we go eat pizza. I didn't need a diagnosis of this, and a prescription to that.

As I said, I'm not trying to dismiss it all, but some of these things are a bit too much and really makes you wonder. And here's one that leans heavily in the bogus department, as far as I'm concerned. When I first heard the commercial for this I didn't think it was real. I thought it was the crazy guys on my morning radio show doing something goofy like they usually do. But that was not the case and I just could not believe what I was hearing. The commercial started out with some guy talking about working the graveyard shift and feeling like he's moving at half speed. He says, and I'm paraphrasing, "if you find this happens to you, you may be suffering from......SHIFT WORK DISORDER"!!!

Wow! Shift work disorder? Really? Oh, but that's not even the best part. The best part is that they do have a drug you can take for it. Now, I don't remember what the drug was on the radio commercial, but doing a web search I ran across something called Nuvigil. Their website says that this is a prescription medicine used to improve wakefulness in adults who experience excessive sleepiness due to one of the following diagnosed sleep disorders: obstructive sleep apnea, shift work sleep disorder, or narcolepsy. Well, there ya go. So you stay up during the day, because it is daylight out, when you should be sleeping because you do work at night, and instead of telling you to get the sleep you need, we'll just call this a disorder and sell you this drug. Uhhh....OK!

Genius marketing big pharm. Genius! You aren't going to make those trillions telling people to sleep, or to scratch that itch!!!

And of course, at the end of the commercial the guy talks at about 90 mph telling you all the warnings and side effects. Again from their website:
"Nuvigil may cause you to have a serious rash or a serious allergic reaction that may result in hospitalization or be life-threatening. If you develop a rash, hives, sores, swelling, or trouble swallowing or breathing, stop taking Nuvigil and call your doctor right away or get emergency treatment. Common side effects of Nuvigil are headache, nausea, dizziness, and trouble sleeping. If you experience chest pain, depression, anxiety, hallucinations, psychosis, mania, thoughts of suicide, aggression, or other mental problems, stop taking Nuvigil and call your doctor right away or get emergency treatment."

WHOA!!!! After that warning, why would anybody in their right mind swallow one of these things? That's right, because nobody is in their right mind any more. Big pharmaceutical throws this stuff at you, and has been doing so for so long now, that we're conditioned to it. We've become a society of hypochondriacs. People actually believe they need to slam a pill for any and every thing. And do you know what? All of these pills for all of these disorders and all these zillions of dollars that people fork over without a second thought because they're conditioned to believe they have a problem and need a pill.........and no one's getting any better and more and more pills are being taken!

Folks, big pharmaceutical rules the world!!!!

WE'VE GOT THE BIGGEST BALLS OF THEM ALL

"My balls are always bouncing,
To the left and to the right,
It's my belief that my big balls,
Should be held every night"

Those are lyrics to an old rock song from the '70's by AC/DC. It was a song about "upper class, high society" ballroom parties, written with a plethora of double entendres and innuendo. The big balls I'm about to talk about have no double meanings, they're just big balls that kick ass!

And I'm talking about the big balls of Wipeout, the hit TV show currently in it's third season on ABC. It's basically a series of obstacle courses where people compete against each other to get through. It's called Wipeout because that's what you do. You will wipe out.

There are 3 stages of qualifying to get to the final stage known as the Wipeout Zone, which will determine a winner of a $50,000 grand prize. 24 contestants compete against time in the 1st qualifier which consists of a series of obstacles you need to get through in the fastest time. The top 12 times move on to the next round. 6 are eliminated from round 2, and 2 more from round 3. Only 4 make it to the Wipeout Zone.

Sounds easy enough, but the obstacles are pretty much there so that you do in fact, wipe out. They consist of things such as the "Sucker Punch Wall" where dozens of boxing gloves on a pole shoot out from the wall and try to punch you as you try to make your way across the narrow ledge. Take one square in the jaw or gut and off the wall and into the muddy water you fall.

One of my favorites this season is the "Shape Shifter". This is a spinning wheel with holes in it. The holes are different shapes, a square, a circle, etc. and you have to get through one of these holes, as the wheel is spinning, then jump to the platform on the other side. But getting to the hole usually requires perfectly timing a jump off a trampoline or springboard. Miss the timing and you smack right into the wheel and drop into the water below. Getting the timing right is not guaranteed success either because you can fly right through the hole and out the other side and into the drink.

The star of this obstacle course though, is the Big Balls. Four giant mounted bouncy balls that contestants must cross over the top of. Few make it to the 3rd ball let alone making it all the way across. This is usually where you have the best wipe outs. You must jump off a platform onto the bouncy balls. Legs usually give way and bodies start flying, bouncing off the big balls, back and forth between the big balls like a pinball, on their way to the splashdown in the water below. And if you take too much time on the platform, what is called the "Motivator" will give you a push. This is a giant arm that swings down behind you and sweeps you off the platform onto the big balls.

Other obstacles along the way, the "Double Cross". This is usually a 2nd round event. There is a giant platform cross spinning clockwise where contestants have to jump off a platform onto the spinning cross, but only on the 3 arms that have green arrows. They must make their way to the center and then exit off the one arm with the red arrows and jump off onto a platform to advance. The first 6 people to do this advance to round 3. Oh, did I mention there's also another giant cross spinning in the opposite direction, "Sweeper Arms", that you have to try and avoid while you're running on the platform cross?

Round 3 usually consists of something that has to be done again and again until the 4 spots for the Wipeout Zone are filled. The remaining 6 people run this course until one person finishes. That person is a Wipeout Zone finalist, and the remaining 5 have to start the obstacle over from the beginning and repeat the process until 4 people make it. Previous seasons saw contestants strapped to what they call the "Dizzy Dummy". You were strapped in and spun around for about 30 seconds, then it was a mad dash to run the course. If you've ever been spun around and around then tried to walk, then you know the difficulty.

The last 4 standing take part in the Wipeout Zone. The contestant to do this in the fastest time is the winner and gets the $50,000. It usually starts with something that has to launch you into the ice cold water. The catapult is my favorite. You then swim to your 1st obstacle. In seasons past this was a water ramp that you had to climb up. Don't take your time on it though because you'll likely be washed away by a 1,000 gallon tidal wave after about 10 seconds. This season, this first obstacle is the "Gut Buster". A series of platforms that move up and down, sometimes pretty violently, that you must cross. Then it's on to the "Spin Cycle", a huge spinning tub that you must enter from one side and exit the other, and it's usually filled with tons of foam. Up next, at least for this season is the "Sini-Stairs", a spiraling spinning staircase that you must climb to the top of while trying to avoid the opposite direction spinning sweeper arms that can smack you right into the water.

And finally comes the "Gauntlet", the final section of the Wipeout Zone. This usually consist of the "Crank Shaft", a spinning shaft that you must maneuver your way through, then the "Blades of Fury", 2 spinning windmills that you have to jump through, then the "Beater-Totter", a hydraulic see-saw, usually covered in foam, and then a jump onto the finish platform.

And there you have it. Wipeout. This may be one of the best TV shows I've seen come along in quite some time. For the 2½ seasons I've been watching it, there is not one episode where I haven't just laughed and laughed and laughed. 'Til I cried in some cases. I guess it's the way the course gets back at people. It's like watching a train wreck except nobody gets hurt and it's funny. Yeah, exactly like it. Especially when people try it that have no business doing much of anything physical. Funny, funny, funny stuff. However, I doubt I would have much trouble with it. Looks pretty simple to me.

Oh well, I'll leave it at that and as one of the co-hosts says at the end of each show, "good night and big balls."

AUTOMATION - WHO NEEDS PEOPLE?

With the way I dog people in this blog, this entry is going to be a little tricky for me. I mean, all people are not complete and utter morons, but like weeds, there's enough sprouting up these days to give people a bad name. So the thought of replacing a person with something not quite so human, to do the same job, seems like it would be right up my alley. Or is it?

I'm talking about automation. I'm not sure where it started but most of us likely got our first taste of it over the phone. And it may have started with the phone company itself. You would call the phone company with some problem you were having about your service, your bill, etc. and you would get this automated voice asking you to press 1 for this problem, 2 for that problem and so on. Today, I don't know if there's a service oriented company out there that doesn't have this automation set-up. Phone company, cable/satellite company, electric company, internet service provider, the local pizza joint, your bookie, everybody's using it.

Other than the fact that this probably takes a job away from somebody, the idea that I don't have to engage with some idiot that doesn't have a clue, and get my issue resolved, is an intriguing idea. I mean, it was probably some bozo doing the job that just didn't care that brought about this automation service to begin with. One problem though. After going through the whole automation sequence, pressing all the buttons to enter all the information, you still end up needing to talk to a live person after all.

Then when you get this live person, this live person proceeds asking you the same questions you just spent 15 minutes entering answers to with the automated piece of crap that was never able to help you in the first place. Then there's the fact that since the company you're dealing with no longer has a customer service department because they have automation now, if for some strange, wacko reason that automation doesn't solve your problem and you have to talk to someone live, they outsource that work because it's cheaper than carrying a customer service staff. And that would be fine if they didn't outsource this work to a country on the other side of the planet, so now you can't understand anything this live person is saying to you and you're not much better off.

When this person can't fix your problem, you get transferred to the "tech" department. Finally, someone who speaks English (CLEARLY). You tell this guy your problem and he says, "I don't handle that. Why did they transfer you to me?" I don't know, maybe something got lost in the freaking translation!!!!! Now, what I call the "transfer tag" game starts. This is where no one seems to be able to fix your problem, or no one seems to care about fixing it, and you get transferred from department to department. It's like they're playing a game of tag. NOT IT, NOT IT! And on to the next.

Automation continues to grow though. You don't even need a staff of people working at a video store any more if you want to rent a movie. Now you have these vending machines (like Redbox) that will rent you a movie without ever having to talk to a person. Never mind that these things have probably put places like Hollywood Video out of business along with all those lost jobs. Automation has even taken over at paid public parking lots where you used to pull into the lot, roll your window down, pay the guy waiving you in, he hands you a receipt you put on your dash, and you park and go attend your sporting event or concert or what have you. In downtown Houston, when going to an Astros baseball game at Minute Maid Park, this is the way it has always worked......until yesterday.

Because the Astros play this season has been less than stellar, I haven't been inclined to attend as many games as I usually do, so yesterday was the first I was exposed to this parking automation. There's still a guy with a flag waiving for people to come into his lot. A $5 lot. So I pull in, roll down my window to pay my way in, like I've done for the last 10 years. The guy comes to the window and tells me to park and then pay the machine in the center of the lot. Then take the receipt it gives you and put it on your dash. I say, "fine, whatever." I start to proceed, then stop and called him back to my car to ask him about exact change since I only had a ten spot. He said if I didn't have exact change, I could use my credit or debit card. Oh joy!

I was already in a hurry because I was meeting some people so I go ahead and pull in and head over to the machine. I insert my card and wait. Sure enough, machine says that it can not read my card. So I do it a second time, making double sure I'm doing everything right. Still can't read my card. So I call flag boy over, he takes my card and tries it, no deal. He gets on a phone to, I assume, call his supervisor, and I also assume he didn't get an automated service since he began talking right away. They came to the conclusion that I should walk about a block and a half over to the other machine and try that one. Luckily I found some people who had change for a ten.

Now, I want to know the purpose of this machine. It wasn't to replace the guy collecting money because there's still a guy there waiving a flag. I guess it's a good idea to not have a guy collecting all that money and having it on him in downtown Houston, but man, if the machines don't work, you're screwed. With a person, no matter how much of a dufus they might be, you can talk to them, tell them the problem and maybe find a solution. Not always, but most of the time you can. With a non-human, well, you can't state your case to a machine in the middle of a parking lot and expect to get anywhere with it. Plus people look at you funny if you do.

So in the battle of People vs. Automation, well, as the World Cup comes to a close, I guess I'll have to call it a draw......for now.

I GOT IT, I GOT IT!!

Imagine you're going to the game and you've scored some prime seats, field level, right behind your favorite team's dugout. A few rows back but still great seats. It's the 5th inning and you've just come back from the concessions. You sit down with a fresh beer in one hand and a bowl of nachos in the other and you think to yourself, "something's missing." That's when it hits you. No, not that you forgot something and no, it wasn't a screaming line drive bouncing off your melon. What hits you is a man....a man who has fallen on top of you.....from the upper deck!!! Right out of his front row perch and into your lap.

This is what happened Tuesday night at a game between the Texas Rangers and Cleveland Indians at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington. Rangers outfielder Nelson Cruz was batting and hit a pop foul into the stands along the 1st base line. A man in the front row of the 2nd deck of seats was reaching over the railing trying to catch the foul ball. The man ended up flipping over the railing and fell 30 feet, landing on fans in the field level seats below. The fans that got hit only ended up with minor injuries, but the man that fell had to be taken out on a stretcher and to a nearby hospital. He ended up with a fractured skull and a broken ankle. The game was halted for about 16 minutes.

Now, let's try to figure out what happened here? A man nearly fell to his death over a $9.95 baseball. At least that was the going price at Academy the last time I checked. Can probably get them cheaper somewhere on the wide world 'net, but we'll go with 10 bucks. So, a man nearly dies for $10. I mean, it's a baseball! Something that everyone of us has played with or owned, dozens of times over. Granted, maybe not with the Major League Baseball label on it, but it's still a baseball. They're all pretty much the same. White, round and hard with red seams. It's not like it's something that's very limited and hard to come by. It's not a 16th century sunken Spanish treasure or the Ark of the Covenant or something from Michael Jackson's estate going for outrageous money in auctions. It's a freaking BASEBALL!!

I guess a safe bet would be to assume that alcohol was involved some how, but if you don't know by now, and you soon will if you keep reading this blog, alcohol doesn't have to be in the mix for people to do the stupid things they do. No word on if this man had been drinking or not. On one hand, I'd like to think alcohol was involved so that at least there'd be an excuse. On the other hand, if he was drinking, this could lead to normal people, who don't have their heads up their butts, not being able to enjoy a beer at a ballgame because of some douchebag moron who tried to kill himself and others for a baseball.

It wouldn't surprise me in the least if alcohol was NOT involved because it doesn't take much to make people lose their minds. And something free will do it every time. Just show up at a game on bobblehead day if you don't believe it. If you get to a baseball game early enough for batting practice, the outfield seats will be full of people waiting to catch a homerun ball. And I get that. I mean, it is kinda cool to catch a big fly from a Major League player. But I don't get all the people hanging over the rails begging the players in the field shagging balls, to throw them a ball. Again, it's a freaking baseball!! These aren't gold nuggets.

Before the game starts an announcement is made telling fans not to interfere with a ball in play. If you do, you run the risk of being escorted out of the building. This, of course, doesn't stop people from interferring. Any ball hit down the lines, whether fair or foul, you'll see people leaning over the rail trying to grab the ball. So you spend $140 for 4 tickets for you and the family for those prime seats along the rail, $10 for parking, $8 each for a couple of beers, $7 for nachos, $5 for chili fries, $5 for cotton candy, $10 for a couple of sodas, all before you even get to your seats. That's damn near $200 out of pocket before the 1st pitch is thrown, and you get ejected in the 1st inning 'cause you just had to have that $10 baseball.

Now, I've been to quite a few baseball games in my short time on this planet. Not once have I ever left with a baseball. I've come close a couple of times. Once was, in fact, the last game I went to a few weeks ago. Field seats down the 3rd base line about 8 rows back. A screaming liner goes right over my head that I didn't see until the last second because everybody is always standing up and walking around instead of watching a baseball game. The other time was back in the old Astrodome. This time it was a soft liner into the stands and the guy sitting right in front of me hops up, rushes to the aisle and down about 4 rows to grab this ball. He got it but he bowled over 2 people, they hit the ground and beer goes flying everywhere. A few words were exchanged and the guy just came right back to his seat. Screw it, he got his free baseball.

I just don't get the mentality. To lose your mind over something as petty as a baseball. For this man Tuesday night, he could have lost more than his mind. I mean it's bad enough when stupid people do stupid things to only hurt themselves, but to be minding your own business and having a guy fall on top of you from 30 feet above? I guess raining cats and dogs just wasn't good enough.

Come on people!!! IT'S A BASEBALL!!!!

HOT DOGGIN' IT, HOT, HOT, DOGGIN' IT

July 4th. The day America was born, 234 years ago. The day our forefathers declared independence from the rule of the Kingdom of Great Britain. A day we Americans celebrate every year with fireworks, parades, barbecues, family reunions, fairs, and various other public and private events celebrating the history and traditions of this greatest nation on earth. And one of those public events is the Nathan's International July Fourth Hot Dog Eating Contest held in where else, Coney Island, New York.

2010 marks the 95th time this hot dog eating contest has taken place. On July 4, 1916, four immigrants had a hot dog eating contest at Nathan's famous hot dog stand on Coney Island to settle an argument about who was the most patriotic. 95 years later, this contest is a huge event that is televised live across the nation. Seeing it on TV is, of course, how most of us were probably first exposed to it. And watching it once may have been all it took to never watch it again.

This event is so big that you have to win your way to being a contestant in it by winning one of the many qualifying hot dog eating contests held around the country prior to the July 4th Coney Island showdown. No, I'm serious. It's like the World Cup, or football teams trying to make the playoffs. You have to qualify by gorging yourself with hot dogs just to get in.

With this event getting the media coverage it does, one of the names you might recognize is that little Japanese dude, Takeru Kobayashi. This tiny little 5 foot 8, 132 lb. eating freak came on the scene in 2001 and shattered hot dog eating records by choking down 50 hot dogs, with buns, in 10 minutes!!! He went on to win this event 6 years in a row before finally getting "dogged" by another name you may recognize, Joey Chestnut.

Chestnut dethroned Kobayashi in 2007 by throwing down a then record 66 hot dogs WITH buns in TEN minutes!!!! For those of you counting, that's over 20,000 calories! In 10 minutes!!! I can't eat 66 hot dogs in a month. Well, I probably could, but man would I be sick of hot dogs! Poor Kobayashi was only able to eat 63. Two years later, Chestnut broke his own record with SIXTY-EIGHT!!!! Are you kidding me? Next time you're at the grocery store, put 8 packages of hot dogs buns in your shopping cart. Even without the hot dogs you can see how much mass this guy is shoveling into his stomach. And consider that the human stomach is about 12 inches long and 6 inches wide. And good luck trying to figure out the number of hot dog packages you will need to match the 8 packages of buns you have in your cart. It's an 8 to 10 buns to dogs ratio, right? Something like that.

Joey Chestnut, or "Jaws" is the current big time eating freak. He has won the 4th of July contest 4 years in a row now. He holds the record with 68 hot dogs along with numerous other eating records.

WARNING: some of this stuff might be a little gross, to say the least.

Chestnut's records include;
8.8 pounds of fried asparagus in 10 minutes,
182 chicken wings in 30 minutes,
5.9 pounds of funnel cake in 10 minutes,
47 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes,
103 Krystal burgers, aka sliders, in 8 minutes,
56 sausage & cheese kolaches from the Kolache Factory in Houston, TX, in 8 minutes,
19 six-inch Philly Cheesesteaks in 10 minutes,
and 45 pulled pork sandwiches in 10 minutes.
Holy freaking crap!!!!! Can you imagine him pulling up to the Jack-in-the-Box drive thru at 2 in the morning? "Yes, I only have about 10 minutes to eat so I just want to order 348 tacos. Thanks."
Any fries with that?

And he's not the only big eater out there. In fact, big eating is so big it's become a sport and has it's own professional league known as Major League Eating. I am not joking. Here's more world records by other big eaters:
Sonya Thomas - 8.8 lbs. of Vienna sausages - 10 min.
Don Lerman - 6 lbs. of baked beans in one minute
Richard LeFevre - 5 lbs. of birthday cake - 11 min.
Takeru Kobayashi - 58 Johnsonville Brats - 10 min.
Don Lerman - 7 sticks of BUTTER - 5 min.
Sonya Thomas - 11 lbs. of cheesecake - 9 min.
Cookie Jarvis - six 11 oz. chicken fried steaks w/gravy - 12 min.
Oleg Zhornitskiy - four 32-ounce bowls of MAYONNAISE!!!!!! - 8 min.
OK, that does it for me, but the list goes on and on.

So a big thank you to our forefathers for signing the Declaration of Independence 234 years ago, and giving us the freedom to do the things we do today, and unfortunately take for granted all too often, even if that includes eating enough in 10 minutes to feed an African village for 6 months.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!! Lord knows we need it!

I DIG DITCHES

This has probably happened to you at least once. It's raining. You're driving along when all of a sudden....SWOOOSH!!!!.....you hit a big pool of water in your lane, water goes flying everywhere including all over your windshield. You can't see a thing as your car pulls hard to the right, your heartbeat is through the roof as the windshield wipers struggle to clear the massive amounts of water. You don't know if you're hydroplaning or about to spin out of control so you don't want to slam on the brakes. Then you realize you're driving a moving vehicle blind as a bat so you do tap the brakes. Finally the water clears away so you can see, you're through the lake in the middle of the road, your heart comes back down from out of your throat and all is good again......until you come up on the next pool of water.

I am here to tell you right now that what I just described would not have happened had you been on a street that had ditches. Some dweeb long ago convinced the powers that be that ditches are the devil, and ever since motorists have had hell driving when it rains. Somebody thought they had a genius idea to eliminate the ditch and replace it with the underground storm drain sewer system you see just about everywhere any more. And every where you see a street that has this set up, you will also see standing water on the road EVERY TIME it rains. Guaranteed!!

I suppose the thinking was that "they" wanted to eliminate cars going off the road and into a ditch, or that the ditch was just an eyesore still having water in it several days after a rain. OK, yeah, that's a nice idea but unfortunately that's where the thinking stopped. When they build these roads to put these storm sewers in place, the first thing they do is lower the road. Next, they block the road in with a curb that runs along the right side of the road in each direction where every 50 yards or so is a drain. When it rains, the water collects at this curb and runs along it until it reaches a drain where it goes into the sewer buried underground. The problem is, if there's a significant amount of rain, the water collects faster than it can travel along the curb to the drain, and you now have a stream of water covering a portion of the road. It doesn't take much from this point to have the entire lane covered by a pool of water.

Now you've got people slamming into this water on the road, losing control and having accidents, or trying to avoid it at the last second and causing an accident by swerving into another lane, or you have major traffic jams because everybody is forced to bottleneck into one lane or the entire road is covered with water and people are trying to inch their way through it, provided the water is not up to their hoods. Some morons will still try, but that's another story.

This does not happen on a road with ditches because on a road with ditches there is no curb keeping the water from clearing the road. The water doesn't collect, it rolls freely off the road into the ditch, no slowdowns, no standing water, no impassable streets, none of that silly nonsense.

Now I suppose if it rains hard enough and long enough, it will flood anywhere. Maybe, but I lived in a neighborhood for 17 years that had ditches and I do not recall the street I lived on ever having standing water on it. EVER! Rain for days, hurricanes, it didn't matter. The ditches would get full and our yards would sometimes fill up with water, but there was never any water on the street.

New neighborhoods these days are not only being built with the storm drain/curb disaster, but a lot have the added problem of sloped yards. So not only does the water roll to the curb off the street, but the water from the yard rolls down to the street as well and these drains just can't handle it fast enough. Now you can't get in nor out of your neighborhood without a Jetski because the streets are now rivers. The storm drain sewer replacing ditches idea was a complete fail. Obviously the brain child of some typical brain dead bureaucrat who had a financial stake in it somehow. That's the only reason I can think of as to why such a stupid plan would take over the world. And because of it, traffic is a nightmare any time it rains because roads are covered with water.

I have seen evidence however, of somebody putting just a little more thought into it. There's still not quite a ditch, certainly not a deep ditch, but there is a lower than the road portion of grass where a ditch would run. Underneath, the storm sewer has been put in place but there is no curb blocking the water and the drains are actually where the ditch would be. The water is allowed to roll off the road unobstructed, and into the grass on the side of the road, and into the drains which drop into the sewer below. No water collects on the road.

A great example of this if you're in the Houston area is Louetta road, west of I-45. I was driving down this road during a recent heavy rain event. This road, Louetta, has both types of drainage systems. At highway 249, Louetta has the curb/sewer set up, and water was all over the road and traffic was at a standstill trying to get through it. The further east you travel, towards I-45, it switches to the NO curb/drain in the ditch type set up and there was absolutely NO standing pools of water on the road from that point on and traffic moved along nicely considering it was pouring down rain. So somebody finally got some sense about this and at least made it where it does work.

Still though, the curbed storm sewers continue to be put in anywhere there's a new neighborhood being built or where a road is being redone, and the flooding continues to get worse, along with the traffic, and people can't understand why a completely brand new road floods every time it rains. Well, it's because somebody took away the ditch. That's where the water is supposed to be....with no ditch, the water is on the road. Genius!

Head, proctologist....you get the picture.