...UNDERDOG IS HERE!!!!!!!
Or some other super hero, or a superhero wanna-be.
Crime is rampant in Metropolis and if there's ever been a time when society needs a superhero it's now. The criminals are taking over, the cops are crooked, the DA is on the take, and the citizens are tired of living in fear.
That's what these guys must be telling themselves, right?
I'm talking about the increasing rise in vigilante-like action taken by people who are dressing up as superheroes.
Last year, Kick-Ass, hit the big screen. It was a movie about an ordinary average kid who wondered why there were no real superheroes. So he decided to be one despite no super powers. Having super powers myself, I know that having them is a vital part of being a superhero. Not having them and dressing up as a super hero is called
a costume party.
Smelly Underarm Man!!! Err...I mean, Batman, is the latest "crime fighter" to be arrested by police. Dude's name is Mark Wayne. I kid you not. OK, it's actually Mark Wayne Williams, but still. Police in Petosky, Michigan arrested Williams when they found him dangling from a roof in his Caped Crusader gear. "Batman" had on him a baton, some Mace type spray, and had on lead-lined gloves. They booked him for trespassing and carrying dangerous weapons, and the judge ordered him to hang up his mask and cape for 6 months.
First of all, if you're going to be Batman, you're going to need a suit that can breathe. You can't fight crime with that kind of perspiration. Two words Mr. Batman, Secret deodorant. It's made for a woman but strong enough for a superhero.
And let's get with the times. A little more Dark Knight and a little less 'same bat time, same bat channel' 60's.
But at least Mark Wayne picked a superhero we've all heard about. And he doesn't have a boy Robin....that we know about. This next guy though, really did go Kick-Ass and made up his own crime fighter.
No, this is not Racer X's evil twin. They call this man Phoenix Jones. This Hancock wanna-be was arrested by Seattle police for pepper spraying a group of people he thought were fighting. There's even a video of him in action.
Phoenix Jones saves the day!
Phoenix and Batman are just 2 real life dress up like superheroes to make the news recently because they did get arrested, but apparently this real life superhero dress up party is a little more common than one would think. Let me introduce a few.
Angle Grinder Man. This guy roams the streets at night freeing people's cars who've had their cars wheel-clamped.
Captain Ozone is from the year 2039. He was sent to earth to save us from destroying ourselves. He saves endangered species, promotes renewable energy and teaches school children how to become environmental activists. He has to work during the day because the Ozonemobile is solar powered.
Mr. Silent. This guy roams the streets of downtown Indy about once a week doing what he can to help those in distress. When asked what happens if people need help the 6 days he doesn't roam the streets, Mr. Silent had nothing to say.
Super Barrio can be found in Mexico City defending the lower class and has actually become a real folk hero leading protest rallies, filing petitions, and challenging court orders. Super Barrio isn't afraid of a tamale or 12...dozen.
What about the women? They can get their superhero on too. Here's Terrifica. This masked maiden cruises the bars and clubs of New York City by night in an effort to protect drunk chicks from being taken advantage of. Actually, she carries a substance in her utility belt that she gives drunk dudes to counter the effect that everyone's prettier at 2 am. Man, could I have used that a time or two.
I don't really know who this is so I'm just going to assume that he's "The Very, Very Lone Ranger".
And finally, the only "superhero" (besides me) that I have ever seen in real life.
Faster than a clogged artery, more powerful than a locomotive (or at least bigger than one), and able to drink a Miller Lite in a single gulp. It's not a bird, it's not a plane, it's Texan Elvis!!
No comments:
Post a Comment